Celebrating The Ordinary Life

I wasn't sure what to expect from the inaugural Life Lessons Conference in London. With no previous year's reviews to go on, but with a stellar line up of speakers - I was intrigued by the scale and diversity of the event. Bill Bryson was rubbing shoulders with Marie Forleo, and comedians, brain surgeons, politicians and psychotherapists joined panels and platforms to teach us everything we needed to know about LIFE.

Alain De Botton, founder of The School of Life kicked off the event and I could have spent the entire weekend listening to him alone. One of the wisest, driest, most interesting humans I've had the pleasure of sharing a room with.

He spoke of celebrating The Ordinary Life. Of taking lessons from the stoics - understanding how brief our moment of life really is, and how luck not just effort is a huge factor in how our lives unfold.

With so much noise these days around performance life coaches and motivational speakers like Tony Robbins, it was interesting to hear a voice pushing back on that path. Our Instagram feeds are overflowing with quotes on positivity and motivational inspiration, but maybe we don't need to be go-getting them all the time. Maybe sometimes we need to accept that luck and not just personal achievement are at work in the world. If everyone who is successful 'deserves' it because of their own personal efforts, does it mean that people who are not successful or who are desperately unhappy deserve their fate too? Sometimes, maybe. But it's worth pondering on. Sometimes it's just the way the cards fall. This all fits perfectly with my year of 'Slow' so I'll be following that trail a little further.

He also talked about childhood, and how similar we are to that child of 5 or 7 or 10 we once were. If you're happy-go-lucky, or eager to please, or you want to be a journalist, or live in the sea - then many of those feelings will still be with you when you're 27 or 87.

Finally he covered the importance of processing our thoughts and feelings. While meditation is about clearing and cleaning he mind, we need more than that. We need time to stare out windows and go for long walks without podcasts playing in our brain. We need silence and space.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Kate Gunn (@katetakes5) on Feb 24, 2019 at 11:53pm PST

It stuck with me as I had been pondering the same things in relation to my kids. Remember when we all spent hours staring out from the back of the car on long road trips as blurring fields and grey walls sped past?  I do. I'd think about all the places I wanted to go, I'd imagine what the farmer's children were doing that day, I'd imagine myself buying the tumble down cottage we just passed and delight in the possibilities, I'd wonder why our family had such terrible cars when Dad had such a good job, and I'd plan conversations with friends and think about that thing I had said that I probably shouldn't have. My mind would be awash with thoughts and feelings and I'd have the time to let it all play in my head like a movie reel.

Kids in cars with screens don't have that time. Kids on sofas with screens don't have that time. Kids in bed with screens don't have that time.
The only time my kids are sure not to have access to distractions is in the bath, and one of them has already told me he doesn't like taking baths because they make him sad. I suddenly realised that it was the only time he is forced to confront his feelings. The rest of the time he can avoid them with a variety of distractions - friends, tv, school, sports - always something to fill the dreaded vacuum.

But it's not just kids. If you're suffering from insomnia and waking up at 3am in a panic, it may well be because you haven't carved out the mental space your mind needs during the day. One to think about (if you have the time...).

The other thing I love about Alain and The School of Life is the concept. Teaching us things that every human should be taught. How to deal with heartbreak, How to find a career we love, How to be confident, How to fail, How to forgive and so much more. The more years I spend looking at my children in the depths of our educational system the more I despair. If only they could be learning life lessons like this instead of oxbow lakes and pythagoras's theorem. Surely a better use of their precious childhood?

There is no ordinary life. We are all extraordinary. A jumbled mess of emotions and crazy thoughts that we generally keep to ourselves. No one is normal. Which is what makes us human.

The sooner we learn this lesson in life the better.

One word 2018

It's that time of the year again, time to not make resolutions but to review the year that has passed, and choose a new word to live by for the year ahead. A word that brings you back to what you are looking for when you are a little bit lost. A word that inspires you when you are tired. A word that helps guide your decisions when confusion reigns.

I'm not usually great at keeping things going past the good idea phase. I like to think of myself as the creative type - excited by new shiny things as they are dreamed up or pass by my eyeline. 'Oh look a good idea! Quick grab it before it disappears!'' I plan to hold on to the shiny new good idea and change my life with it, but then a new one comes along and, well, I can't hold on to them all can I? So I'll just let go of this old not-so-shiny-anymore one and grab the new one. Quick, before it disappears...

The One Word movement however has stayed shiny. This is my forth year doing it and all I can say is - it works for me.

In 2015, my first year, I chose Fresh. In 2016 it was Depth. Last year my word was Goals. I had some big ones that I wanted to stop putting on the long finger and just really steam roll through. My word was a way of reminding myself of the big picture throughout the year.

So how did I fair?

My big goals were to finish my book, start a pension, do a triathlon and be more patient with my children.

I made huge headway with my book. I got excited about it, getting up early to write and living vast chunks of time with the story rolling around in my head. I got the belief back - even to the point of sending it on to a few trusted pairs of eyes and a single publisher. But then I stumbled again. I know it's not right yet and I'm not sure how to fix it. With that in mind I've just signed up to a big scary 8 week course with the Irish Writers Centre. Perhaps this time next year I'll be checking off the goal that at times seems an immense impossibility and at others seems almost within touching distance.

First full manuscript print out. Ready to start making notes! #writing #goals #oneword #writersofinstagram #writerscorner #amwriting #ipbig #epig

A post shared by Kate Gunn (@katetakes5) on Mar 23, 2017 at 9:57am PDT

I completed my One Year No Beer. I also wrote an article about the early days, appeared on the radio to discuss it and now may never drink again. I know.

I started a pension with the money I saved by giving up drink. Rock n' Roll.

I completed the Dublin City Triathlon and came 4th in my (aul one) age group. (I think there were more than 4 of us...). My one word helped me through many a training session.

In full on exercise mode at the moment. Triathlon in 2 weeks. Fear is a great motivator! 11k run followed by dip in the sea this morning 💪

A post shared by Kate Gunn (@katetakes5) on Aug 12, 2017 at 1:54am PDT

I went sunrise swimming, and even dragged the kids along some mornings.

Almost didn't get out of bed for this one, but very glad I did. Glorious sunrise this morning. Don't tell mum I went swimming with a cold.. 🤒 #dtm #naturesfilter #sunrise #greystones #swimrise #epig #ipbig #seaswimming

A post shared by Kate Gunn (@katetakes5) on Aug 25, 2017 at 11:11pm PDT

I did at least one sea swim every month for the year.

Start as you mean to go on they say. Novel writing, short run and sea swim all completed by 9am. That'll do for today. #goals #seaswimming #winterswimming #roadrunning #greatoutdoors #ipbig #epig

A post shared by Kate Gunn (@katetakes5) on Jan 4, 2017 at 1:48am PST

Rounded off a year of monthly sea swims this morning. 'Enjoy the solstice!' a man called as I braved the waters. What a day to choose to finish off 2017 - couldn't have planned it better if I tried. (And yes it was cold. Like thousands of tiny daggers piercing my icy red skin). ❄️ . . . . #wintersolstice #ireland #seaswimming #pblogger #nature #greatoutdoors #instagood #ipbig #epig #magicmomentsadvent #irishblogger #winter2017 #goals

A post shared by Kate Gunn (@katetakes5) on Dec 21, 2017 at 1:54am PST

And then there's the patience thing. I'd like to think I improved. I certainly learned a lot this year about dealing with children's ever changing emotional needs. How listening, supporting, working through issues together helps empower them. And how labelling a child never, ever helps. I also got a big fat healthy reminder that it is how we react to our children's emotions that is the key to really helping them. We've all been there. They shout at you. You shout back. They scream louder. You explode. When all along if you'd taken the time to find out where the anger was coming from and talk it out with them you both could have learned something. I'm not saying it's easy - especially in the heat of the moment. But recent weeks have taught me that lots of extra love and positive reinforcement works wonders on behaviour and household happiness. More of that this year please.

So on to 2018 and my word, which this year is Mind. 

I've spent a lot of this year exploring the power of the mind, and the more I read and discover the more I know it's the answer to everything. And there is so much to learn. From teaching your kids the life skills of resilience and grit, to opening yourself up to the power of the universe - everything stems from your brain.

I've been reading up on neuroplasticity - which basically is the science of rewiring your brain. The good news is that no, you are not born that way. You can train your brain to grow new neurons, build new pathways, become compassionate or grateful or happier - or even more patient. Wow.

Meditation also looms large in my plans. Taking time out each day to allow the subconscious space to breathe and speak to you. I'm going to upgrade my current free app to a paid version which hopefully will make me do it every day. Bring on the calm.

Universal intelligence - far less scientific but still worthy of exploration will also feature in my 2018 plans. I keep coming back to this as if it's simply positive thinking, but I'm pretty sure it's much more than that. It's believing in your potential and having faith that what you want is available to you. (If this time next year I'm an author you can take it from me it works. If I'm not you never have to read another crackpot hippie mantra post from me ever again.)

Kindness, gratitude, abundance, confidence, positivity. Live how you want to live. Be the person you want to be. If I master all that and pass it on to my kids I'm pretty sure that's a parenting Olympic gold in the bag.

This little story from Ruby Wax's 'Sane New World' sums it up in all it's simplicity.

Have an amazing 2018.

23 questions to ask your child

This has been doing the rounds online for ages - it's only taken me two years to actually take 10 minutes to sit down and go through the questions with one of my kids. BUT having finally done it I can highly recommend it as time extremely well spent. 

I took the youngest out for dinner the other week (Indian, yum), and spent the entire time grinning like an idiot across the table at him as he answered these 23 questions about me. As a bonding experience it is pretty damn good. 

Here's one I made earlier..

So here's our Q&A, recorded for the memory making loveliness. 

1. What is something Mummy always says to you?

'I love you'. 

2. What makes Mummy happy?

'Kisses and cuddles'

3. What makes Mummy sad?

'Arguments'

4. How does Mummy make you laugh?

'Being herself'

5. What was Mummy like as a child?

'I dunno, I didn't know you as a child'

6. How old is Mummy?

'44'

7. How tall is Mummy?

'6ft 3' (5ft 2)

8. What is Mummy’s favourite thing to do?

'Spending time with the family'

9. What does Mummy do when you’re not here?

'Misses me'

10. If Mummy becomes famous what will it be for?

'Being pretty' (!)

11. What is Mummy really good at?

'Hugs and kisses'

12. What is Mummy not very good at?

'Cricket' 

13. What is Mummy’s job?

'A writer'

14. What makes you proud of Mummy?

'She works hard and she never gives up on her dreams'

15. What is Mummy’s favourite food?

'Pasta' (correct)

16. What do you & Mummy do together?

'Go for dinner'

17. How are you & Mummy the same?

'We both love hugs and kisses and we both have green eyes'

18. If your Mummy was a character who would she be?

'The mum from Stranger Things'

19. How are you & Mummy different?

'You're not great at football'

20. How do you know Mummy loves you?

'You give me hugs and kisses, you cook for me, spend money on me and kiss me goodnight every night'

21. What does Mummy like best about Daddy?

'His personality' 

22. Where is Mummy’s favourite place to go?

'Bed' (Good answer)

23. How old was Mummy when she had you?

37 (Close!)

So basically it's all about the kisses and cuddles. I might have this parenting lark sorted after all.

Parenting 101: Tweens

You know that saying 'Solutions appear when you start looking for answers'?

No really, do you? Because it's very possible that I just made it up. But I've decided it's true, so I'll take the credit if nobody else already has.

Anyway, we've been coasting along for awhile now with the usual arguments, homework, play, cuddles, fights, tantrums and laughter that sum up most families daily lives. It's been fine. (Apart from the boys fighting which is still driving me completely bonkers). I've been busy. They've been doing their thing. Hamster wheel, Life etc etc.

And then there came a moment last week when the wheels fell off and I realised that perhaps we weren't coasting after all. Perhaps there was a lot going on behind those gorgeous faces that I hadn't stopped long enough to find out about.

Which got me thinking.

Which got me looking.

And lo-and-behold - the answers started appearing.

Online friends shared articles that I previously would have skipped past, but this time took the time to read.

Andrea from Office Mum shared a post entitled The Dangers of the Good Child which pushed a hovering penny down, and helped me instigate a conversation with the eldest about how it was ok not to be perfect all the time. Sometimes we don't realise the pressure they are putting themselves under to help shield us from any more life stresses. But who doesn't need a good ol' tantrum every now and then. It's good to be given permission to have an off day.

Marianne from Mari's World shared a post called Not every child is an A grade student. Why we must not let B/C/D be shameful. Again, it tapped into beliefs and concerns I've been having. Comparison with classmates and siblings can lead to feelings of insecurity and worthlessness. We need to nurture their individual talents and not keep raising the bar for grades only. At the same time they need us to focus our attention on them when and where they need it most.

Finally, Rachel from Well Worn Whisk shared a post Why I Stopped Punishing My Kids: Replacing Punishment with Connection. It's full of thought-provoking ideas and new ways to parent. 

I could have written this (but didn't):

"On the days when my kids are fighting and crying the most, I can almost always look in the mirror and realize I haven’t stopped and sat down and looked them in the face while they talk to me. I haven’t put my arm around them and sniffed their heads while they tell me their dream from the night before in every detail from start to finish. All day I’ve been saying, “Just a minute” or only half listening to what they’re saying while I’m checking Facebook, answering emails, or loading the dishwasher without even looking at them."

(The irony of reading this on Facebook while my kids got ready for school is not lost on me). 

In the midst of all these lightening bolts I suddenly realised that I now have not 1, not 2, but 3 tweens. Each of their needs are different, but at 8,10 and 12 they fit squarely in the tween bracket - that middle ground between young child and teen that throws up a whole heap of emotional wants and needs.

So I'm trying some new approaches. We're focusing on 3 family rules to start with: No shouting. No hitting. No punishments.

And one 'just for me' rule: Individual time with them each day - even if it's only 5 minutes.

I can already hear the laughter ricocheting around the ether of the internet. And yes, I may be back tomorrow to say it hasn't worked out. But we'll keep trying. And really that's what parenting is all about, isn't it? Coasting the good parts, hitting the bumps, looking for help, and then trying again, again.

Harry Potter at Warner Bros Studio Tour London

Last Christmas I decided to give memories instead of presents to the kids. They get too much stuff as it is and half of it gets broken or discarded within a month, so I went a different route. Trips.

The eldest was the easiest. She had fallen under the spell of Harry Potter that year and spent at least 4 months walking around with her head in a book, bumping into lamp posts and past friends, occasionally looking up to see where her dinner was or to eye her mother disdainfully for asking her to put her book away.

So what better way to ease the poignancy of finishing the last book in the series than a trip to Warner Bros. Studios - the home of Harry Potter.

And as my sister lives just 20 minutes away it couldn't have been easier to plan.

The look on Kaya's face when she got the voucher was, as they say, priceless. But when we actually got to where the bus pulls up - it was even better.

And it continued to get better and better throughout the day.

We explored the sets of each of the films, learning about dragons and owls and special effects.

 We were taught how to wield a wand and fly a broomstick.

We wandered down Diagon Alley, visited Privot Drive, and jumped aboard the Hogwarts Express.

And of course we got to taste actual butter beer. This is how good it is...

The detail involved in the making of the films is mind blowing. Like for example the tens of thousands of wands that were individually inscribed with the names of their owners. Or the handwritten letters that the owls carried - which turned out to be too heavy for them so had to be done all over again on lighter paper. Now that's commitment.

The sets, the costumes, the detail, the magic - it really was amazing.

For a fan, or indeed their mum, it's definitely a highly recommended experience.

More info:
A transfer couch service runs from Watford Junction Station
Loads of parking available at the studios
Staff are all extremely helpful
Queue to get in - approx 25 mins
Tour time - approx 4 hours
A family ticket costs £118


Disclosure: Warner Bros Studios gifted us tickets to the tour in exchange for a review. All words, pictures, daughters and opinions are my own. For more information head over to their site. 

Listography - 5 favourite posts (and 2 big milestones)

Happy 6th blogging anniversary to me!

Six years of banging a keyboard and sending my musings out in to the world to take on a life of their own. Sometimes they did, sometimes they didn't. But as every blogger knows - sometimes your favourite posts don't get any clicks at all, whereas that one you threw out on your phone whilst cooking dinner and herding kids seemed to reach the far corners of Mongolia.

I still haven't figured that one out.

I also celebrate another milestone this year. Unbeknown to myself I made it to 1 million hits on my little corner of the internet. It shows a lot that about how long I've been blogging that I didn't even notice when it happened. Stats somewhat slipped down the ladder of importance after about year three or four.

Back when I was a proper blogger - frantically writing posts, commenting on other people's blogs, joining in the community, chasing badges and buttons and links - I was ranked in the Top 10 British and Irish Parenting Blogs. It's a nice place to be when you put your heart and soul into something. But at some stage a shift occurred when the love of blogging left, and so I dropped out of all the stat chasing, removed myself from the lists and just started writing for me.

Since then I've written some of my favourite posts.

Which brings me to Listography. Listography was my linky. I ran it every week for years, cataloguing our favourite music, mugs, movies and more. Lots of bloggers joined in and it was fun. Until it wasn't. So I dropped it.

But what better time than an anniversary and a million milestone to resurrect it for a one off?

So - get a cup of tea, go back through your blog, pick out your top 5 favourite posts you've written and then write up your own Listography to share. Linky is below.

Here are mine

1. What makes your heart sing?
Nothing brilliant, but a good reminder to search for the happy

2. 51 thoughts every mother has about a rare night out. 
Definitely not written from personal experience *cough*

3. When all the toys are gone. 
Unashamed nostalgia about something that hasn't even happened yet.

4. A seismic shift
It was a pretty big year

5, 42 and thankful.
Not much to say about this other than I'm another year older now and still thankful.

Okay, go!

How to be a (good) bank manager

I've been meaning to blog about this for awhile but life has a habit of getting in the way.

Anyway, let me introduce you to Kiva.

Kiva allows you to become a virtual bank manager and give micro loans to people all over the world.

You have the opportunity to choose a sum, choose an actual person to lend it to, and then watch as your beneficiary grows their business and pays you back bit by bit.

And then you have the opportunity to lend the sum to another well-deserving candidate (or cash it in if you'd rather).

One of the wonderful things about this project is that you see exactly who your money is going to - and it's not a donation - it's a loan, that can be re-loaned time and time again.

I signed up in April pledging just $25 and then sat down with the kids to choose who we would lend the money to.

Together we chose Rosalina in the Philippines. Rosalina was looking for a loan of $300 over 10 months to help her buy materials needed in her business.

Kiva says -

Rosalina, 40, is a married woman with seven children, five of whom are in school. She is a very hardworking entrepreneur.

Rosalina has a broom-making business in the Philippines. She has been in this business for 20 years.

Rosalina requested a PHP 13,000 ($300) loan amount through NWTF to buy bamboo sticks, bamboo leaves, and other materials needed in her business.

In the future, Rosalina would like to save enough money so she could afford to send her children to college.

Pretty well deserving of a helping hand no?

One month later, in May, I received a notification to say that Rosalina had made her first repayment of $4.66.

Every month since then Rosalina has made further repayments, and I'm almost ready to choose who gets my same micro loan next.

There's no limit to the number of people you can lend to, or the amount you want to put forward - so you can just continue to lend within your own budget.

Pledging a sum to Kiva would make an amazing Christmas present - for both the borrower and the lender. It's also a really great way to get the kids to see and think about how others live around the world.

You can read more about Kiva, how it works and where it works at Kiva.com

Camping with kids

There's something about camping. The space, the freedom, the crisp mornings and dark evenings. The getting back to nature and bonding over the silence and simplicity of living for a short time under a flimsy piece to material and a few poles.

I remember camping as a child and have nothing but amazing memories of it, and since it's a practically free mini family holiday I want to make sure my kids get the same experience.

What I needed was a tent that would hold myself and the three kids, and was easy enough to put up myself without having to go into damsel in distress mode.

Fortunately the lovely people at Millets chose the perfect one by Vango for me - spacious, comfy and simple.

We had our first test run last weekend at Body & Soul and it was big smiles and thumbs up from all of us.

What camping gives kids is the freedom to roam and explore. To lasso their imagination and shoot for the moon. To toast marshmallows and spend time star gazing. To wear wellie boots, pyjamas and dirty faces and play outside until darkness descends. To develop their independence and take on new tasks - carrying dirty dishes across great swathes of countryside to the communal kitchen all by their own self. To make new friends and spend endless hours kicking balls, flying kites and rolling down hills over and over and over again.

Somehow I had almost forgotten all that. This summer I intend to spend many mini trips reminding myself of it. 

Disclosure: I was sent a tent and camping chairs by Millets in exchange for my views. 

21 random reasons to feel guilty (and 1 big one not to)

Motherhood and guilt. They seem to go hand in hand. From the first moment you realise you are pregnant and then remember that you got really pissed at that wedding two weeks ago - the guilt begins.

There's a never ending ebb and flow to it, and nothing, NOTHING, is too insignificant to bring it on.

You don't do crafts with them because you can't bear the mess.

You didn't sign them up to after-school sports because you couldn't face yet another collection time.

You go to work so are depriving them of the joys of a stay at home mum.

You don't go to work so are depriving them of a strong role model.

You're too shouty.

And grumpy.

And cross.

You feed them pasta every day because that's all they'll eat.

They never learnt guitar.

They watch too much TV.

And spend too much time on screens.

Which you aren't properly monitoring.

Because you spend too much time on screens.

You went out last night.

You can't afford to bring them on holiday.

You spoil them too much.

But you don't play with them enough.

You're too impatient.

Your house is too small.

You don't bake.


On and on and on it goes, an endless cycle in your head. Each age and stage brings different triggers but it never, ever abates.

Sometimes though, something big happens that puts all the other little things in perspective. And surprisingly it can change that never-ending carousel of guilt.

For me it came over two years ago when I was separating from their dad, a thing so momentous for a child that as a parent you could get buried under the weight of the guilt. Everything your children do and feel and say suddenly gets referred back to that fact, so that it becomes the go-to query for all of their behaviour. Is that why they are acting up \ angry \ withdrawn \ anxious \ tearful? Cue guilt-fest.

Of course you could beat yourself up with it forever if you wanted to, but a wise friend told me right at the start of my journey not to bother.

She impressed upon me that as long as children have unconditional love and are supported and hugged and smothered in that love, then they will be fine.

So you can be stressed and grumpy and shouty at times, you can be separated or unemployed or too goddamn tired to smile, but then, when you all cuddle up on the sofa and spend the next
20 minutes looking into each others eyes trying to come up with something bigger than all the grains of sand on every beach in the universe to explain how much you love each other - then you realise that they will be ok. Because you know you love them. And they know you love them.

And nothing else is really that important after all.

Don't look down

Losing your job is never easy. It's not very nice to be told you're disposable. But what's worse than that is knowing that the world you worked so hard to create and make steady is about to be turned upside down. The rug pulled shockingly from under your feet leaving your arms flailing and your head spinning.

Over four years ago I dipped my toe back into working waters following a few years off to raise the children. As a newbie blogger I was thrilled to be given the opportunity to not only set up a bloggers network for Netmums, the biggest parenting website in the UK, but also to run it on an ongoing, work-from-home part-time basis. It was the holy grail of work \ life balance and I embraced it with open arms. Over the next four and a half years I would lend my hand to many other tasks, learning content marketing, blogger outreach, sub-editing, content writing, brand relations and more. I loved being able to champion other bloggers, offer them paid opportunities and keep up to date with all the new talent joining the parent blogger ranks.

Sadly that will now come to an end having been let go from Netmums last week.

On hearing the news the first feeling was inevitably one of shock, then devastation, then absolute fear. Because although losing your job is never easy, losing your job when you are a single parent is simply terrifying.

I'm lucky enough to have a little money squirrelled away for a rainy day that will give me a bit of breathing space - not much, but enough to mean I'm not hyperventilating into a paper bag right now.

I'm hoping that after licking my wounds for a few days I can then pick myself up, dust myself off and open myself up to the universe of possibilities.

For now I'm just trying to not look down, or backwards, or forwards. I can't say I'm looking up though. Not yet anyway.

So I will stand at this crossroads for a little while, looking left and right, paper bag in hand. Just in case.

Couldn't give a f*ck

I read a post the other day that I was just totally in tune with, and it got me to thinking (I know, I know).

Basically it was telling other mums to befriend the older mums at the school gates as they were the ones who were least likely to make judgements on you and your parenting.

It was a joy to read and as I went through it I thought - that's me (and not just the old part). Couldn't give a f*ck what little 'failures' you may have made - because chances are I've made them too.

I've now named this type of parenting as the Couldn't Give a F*ck school of thought, or CGF for short.

And it doesn't begin at the school gates either...

Natural birth - CGF

Six epidurals - CGF

Breastfeeding - CGF

Bottlefeeding - CGF

Infected every baby in Clap Handies with chickenpox - CGF

Last to walk in playgroup - CGF

First to walk in playgroup - CGF

Messy house - CGF

Car so dirty the 6 year old's friend comments on it.
('Wow, your car is really dirty') - CGF

Epic tantrums in supermarket - CGF

Pull ups at 7 - CGF

Mismatched uniform and odd socks - CGF

Pizza for dinner five nights a week - CFG

The list really is endless. But really, I don't care. And the great thing is - I know I'm not the only one.

So as the media stokes the flames of the 'Mummy Wars' I like to think there is army of CGFers marching to their own drum.

Which is probably plastic, broken and been pissed on.

The Golden Years

There is a glimmer in the distance. A hazy light that draws nearer each new day that dawns until, oh! you are bathed in the beautiful glow of The Golden Years. Be careful though. They don't last forever. You need to make the most of this.

Sometime over the past year I've come to the realisation that I have hit that perfect moment in child-rearing, when all three children are of the age when they are independent enough to be able to not need me 24/7, but are yet to think that I am the most embarrassing creature ever to have blighted their earth.

They play together, get their own breakfasts, pop to the shops for forgotten milk and even react appropriately to parental bribery.

But not just that. They are actually sometimes fun to be around.

I know! We are finally at a stage where we can jump in the sea together and have water flights without one of them crying about getting wet. We can go cycling together without one of them falling off into the on-coming traffic. We can go for dinner together and have *gasp* a proper conversation that does not make you want to stick a fork in your eye. We can cheer each other on at actually entertaining football matches, and spend time at home watching genuinely good movies.

And it can be great.

However, now that I have had this epiphany I also realise that the clock is ticking. It is but a brief slice of time that these golden years are bestowed upon us. Already the tweenage hormones are surfacing and the door banging is beginning.

I'm doing my best to ignore it. But it's coming. As I lie on the golden beach of parenting the tsunami of horror is building. In two years my first born will turn teenager, closely followed by her two brothers, and it will be back to those dark and stormy days of old.

What the next phase will bring is anyone's guess, but for now - the shades are on and the warmth is welcome.

The importance of choosing the correct car seat

The first car seat I ever had was a gift from a friend. It was eleven whole years ago now and it began a long and varied affair with them.

I loved that car seat - it was such a simple design, safe, easy to use - it stayed with me for over four years as my daughter's brothers arrived and took her place in it.

Our next car seat wasn't such a hit. Expensive, top of the range, it's safety record was impeccable. But it was so ridiculously hard to install that I often sat sweaty and tearful in the back of the car as yet again I tried to figure out where exactly the seatbelt slipped through and what the hell those red clips did. Moving the shoulder straps was equally as bad. Like a version of the krypton factor with the added complications of only having had 2.5 hours sleep all night, a toddler trying to scale your back and a baby screaming. Let's not go back there.

I'm quite sure that more than once I had that car sear installed incorrectly, meaning that the safest seat in the world became a hazard.

Which brings me to the point of this post.

Choosing the right car seat for your child means not only knowing their weight and height at each stage, but also whether the chosen seat is appropriate for your particular car. I remember being completely flummoxed by the terms and sizes available in those early years. Forward facing, rear facing, measurements in kgs, measurements in lbs, isofix, boosters...*head melts*

I spent my first six years of motherhood in a constant sleep deprived state and all I wanted was someone to look at my child, look at my car and say - 'Get this type. Install it this way. Now off you go'. It never happened though.

But now it can.

How?

RSA (Road Safety Authority) have been running a really fantastic programme called 'Check it Fits' all over Ireland for the last few years. Launched in 2013 Check it Fits is an entirely free national child car seat checking service. Aimed at both parents and guardians of children up to approx age 12, anyone can go along to their mobile checkpoints to have the fitting of their car seat assessed. The team of experienced car seat experts will check the fitting and appropriateness of the seat for both the child and the car.

Where?

The mobile unit travels around Ireland continually, visiting approx 3 venues per week, doing over 50 checks a day. Each check takes approx 10 - 15 minutes. To find your next local Check it Fits date and location you can go to www.rsa.ie/checkitfits. RSA on Facebook will also keep you updated.

Why?

Seeing the statistics provided by the RSA in relation to these checks you can immediately see why they are so important. Like me many parents and guardians are confused when it comes to choosing, fitting and overseeing child car seats. From over 7500 checks carried out by RSA a shocking 82% had incorrectly fitted or applied car seats. And of those a terrifying 75% were major installation errors.

Just let that sink in for a minute.

I wonder how many of us are right now driving around with our children in car seats that we fully believe to be safe and secure but are in fact death traps.


So the moral of the story is - get your car seat checked by a professional as soon as possible. It saves lives. It could save your child's life.

End of lecture.


Disclosure: I am working in collaboration with RSA for a series of posts on the importance of child car seats and the correct use of them. If you have any queries or concerns that you would like to raise on the matter please feel free to contact me and I will pass them over to RSA.