My favourite post of the year. The time when I get to reflect on the previous 12 months and look forward to the next 12. This year seems to have extra weight as it as it is the start of the new decade. Less a clean page and more of a brand new notebook. In 10 years time I'll be 56. My kids will be 25, 23 and 21. Adults. This decade will be one of great change. Best to set the right foundations for what is to come.
The Early Years
My One Word choices over the years have been Fresh, Depth, Goals, Mind. I missed last year but perhaps it should have been Dreams. 2019 saw me round off the decade by publishing a book and running a marathon. Two things I have been dreaming of since I was a little girl. The last 10 years have seen me move house, move countries, move back, get a job, get another job, say goodbye to my dad, raise 3 kids, go through a separation, do several triathlons, fall in love, travel and so much more. Ten years is a long time. The highs and lows are inescapable - but that life, and the older you get the more you realise that that is what makes people so interesting. It's what gives us depth.
The early years of this decade were filled with the demands of three young children. The later years saw me reclaim some of Me. So much to do so little time! Perhaps that's why I chased those goals and dreams with such focus and determination. But with so many of my life goals and self work done over these past few years, it's time for the focus to swing again.
My One Word for 2020 is SLOW.
I want this decade to be one of soft slowness. To press pause before it's too late. I want it to be filled with family and memories and calm. This year I'm going to focus on building a happy home, giving the children the support they need and making sure I don't get to the end of their childhood with a trophy cabinet of accomplishments for myself and cobwebs of regret.
To start I'm going to force (I mean encourage...) the kids to sit down and write a family manifesto with me. I'm also hoping to put some time and money into doing up the house a bit - if my Airbnb weekends away have taught me anything it's the importance of our surroundings - so guilt be gone. Baking and Books are also high on the agenda. As are family meal times, family movies and wider family gatherings. Also - decluttering. Does it ever end? To quote Joni Mitchel "Don't it always seem to go, That you don't know what you've got 'till it's gone...". So sorry kids, time to spend some time with mama. I'm going to appreciate what I have before you all disappear on me.
It's that time of the year again, time to not make resolutions but to review the year that has passed, and choose a new word to live by for the year ahead. A word that brings you back to what you are looking for when you are a little bit lost. A word that inspires you when you are tired. A word that helps guide your decisions when confusion reigns.
I'm not usually great at keeping things going past the good idea phase. I like to think of myself as the creative type - excited by new shiny things as they are dreamed up or pass by my eyeline. 'Oh look a good idea! Quick grab it before it disappears!'' I plan to hold on to the shiny new good idea and change my life with it, but then a new one comes along and, well, I can't hold on to them all can I? So I'll just let go of this old not-so-shiny-anymore one and grab the new one. Quick, before it disappears...
The One Word movement however has stayed shiny. This is my forth year doing it and all I can say is - it works for me.
In 2015, my first year, I chose Fresh. In 2016 it was Depth. Last year my word was Goals. I had some big ones that I wanted to stop putting on the long finger and just really steam roll through. My word was a way of reminding myself of the big picture throughout the year.
So how did I fair?
My big goals were to finish my book, start a pension, do a triathlon and be more patient with my children.
I made huge headway with my book. I got excited about it, getting up early to write and living vast chunks of time with the story rolling around in my head. I got the belief back - even to the point of sending it on to a few trusted pairs of eyes and a single publisher. But then I stumbled again. I know it's not right yet and I'm not sure how to fix it. With that in mind I've just signed up to a big scary 8 week course with the Irish Writers Centre. Perhaps this time next year I'll be checking off the goal that at times seems an immense impossibility and at others seems almost within touching distance.
I completed my One Year No Beer. I also wrote an article about the early days, appeared on the radio to discuss it and now may never drink again. I know.
I started a pension with the money I saved by giving up drink. Rock n' Roll.
I completed the Dublin City Triathlon and came 4th in my (aul one) age group. (I think there were more than 4 of us...). My one word helped me through many a training session.
And then there's the patience thing. I'd like to think I improved. I certainly learned a lot this year about dealing with children's ever changing emotional needs. How listening, supporting, working through issues together helps empower them. And how labelling a child never, ever helps. I also got a big fat healthy reminder that it is how we react to our children's emotions that is the key to really helping them. We've all been there. They shout at you. You shout back. They scream louder. You explode. When all along if you'd taken the time to find out where the anger was coming from and talk it out with them you both could have learned something. I'm not saying it's easy - especially in the heat of the moment. But recent weeks have taught me that lots of extra love and positive reinforcement works wonders on behaviour and household happiness. More of that this year please.
So on to 2018 and my word, which this year is Mind.
I've spent a lot of this year exploring the power of the mind, and the more I read and discover the more I know it's the answer to everything. And there is so much to learn. From teaching your kids the life skills of resilience and grit, to opening yourself up to the power of the universe - everything stems from your brain.
I've been reading up on neuroplasticity - which basically is the science of rewiring your brain. The good news is that no, you are not born that way. You can train your brain to grow new neurons, build new pathways, become compassionate or grateful or happier - or even more patient. Wow.
Meditation also looms large in my plans. Taking time out each day to allow the subconscious space to breathe and speak to you. I'm going to upgrade my current free app to a paid version which hopefully will make me do it every day. Bring on the calm.
Universal intelligence - far less scientific but still worthy of exploration will also feature in my 2018 plans. I keep coming back to this as if it's simply positive thinking, but I'm pretty sure it's much more than that. It's believing in your potential and having faith that what you want is available to you. (If this time next year I'm an author you can take it from me it works. If I'm not you never have to read another crackpot hippie mantra post from me ever again.)
Kindness, gratitude, abundance, confidence, positivity. Live how you want to live. Be the person you want to be. If I master all that and pass it on to my kids I'm pretty sure that's a parenting Olympic gold in the bag.
This little story from Ruby Wax's 'Sane New World' sums it up in all it's simplicity.
I gave up making New Years Resolutions some time ago. Those lengthy lists of tasks I would once again fail at within a couple of weeks brought no positives.
What I adopted instead was the One Word movement, a fabulous way of keeping your focus on what you want for the year ahead. The idea is simple - you choose one word that embodies your hopes for the year ahead and then you come back to that word throughout the year as a way of refocusing yourself on your chosen path. In 2015 my word was Fresh - "Fresh starts, fresh air, fresh food, fresh thoughts". Last year it was Depth - "From focusing on meaningful relationships with friends and family to putting my all into new projects instead of half-hearted attempts of 'could do better'.
I still like those choices, and I'm hoping to hang on to them both for the year to come too.
But if 2016 taught me anything it's that you never know what's around the corner. Because just as I was launching in to my 'new year, new me' January I was told that I was to be let go from the job that I'd worked in for over 5 years. It was a terrifying time and the support and understanding of friends, family, acquaintances and even strangers is what got me through it.
So I made some plans, signed up to a course, wrote, networked, and joy of joys managed to land myself an absolute dream job not too long later,
2016 was also a year of music, love, travel, accomplishments and, perhaps most surprisingly of all, giving up alcohol. I never, ever thought that I'd be doing that.
And so with lessons learned and reflections considered I've found my word for 2017. It's an odd one for me to be honest. My word this year is - Goals.
It's not a word I would have chosen a year ago. It's a bit too direct and forthright. But now it just seems right. And while I mulled over 'perseverance' and 'belief' - I realised that they were both simply tools for me to achieve the goals - so I've gone straight for the target instead.
Whether it's work goals, writing goals, fitness goals, or family goals - for me having the long-term accomplishment in sight will help me put in the short-term work.
This time next year I want to be able to list the projects that I stuck at and achievements that I ticked off.
Twelve months ago I joined the One Word movement for the first time - it's a way of focusing your mind on what you want from the year ahead instead of writing a long list of well-intentioned resolutions that inevitably fail by mid-January, leaving you crying guiltily into the last remaining tin of Quality Street and wondering where it all went so wrong.
The process involves employing a very simple philosophy for the year ahead - choosing one word that brings all your intentions back into focus.
Last year I chose the word FRESH. Fresh starts, fresh air, fresh food, fresh thoughts. I didn't do too badly either. I found the idea was most useful when stuck in a quandary, not sure which side of the fence to jump over on. Go for a run or stay home? Bracing walk on the beach or movie? Pasta or salad? Meet new people or stick around the safe ones? It gave me a new perspective and helped force me out of my comfort zone more than once.
For the past few weeks I've been pondering my new word for 2016 and in order to choose it I've once again gone back to the questions of what makes me happy and when do I feel most fulfilled.
My work and hobby both revolve around the worlds of social media, which mean I am constantly distracted - sometimes in a great way, but more often than not in a way that leaves me feeling like I have achieved nothing despite spending hours online each day.
While I love blogging, it's an instant gratification hit. Write a post, put it out there, hope for a reaction or two, and then move on. It's mostly great, but there is no huge sense of accomplishment to it, for me right now at least.
Likewise the things I find myself reading - short posts and articles that raise a smile and then dissolve into the ripples of my every decreasing brain cells.
And so my word to focus on this year is DEPTH.
From finishing writing that book instead of messing about writing posts that serve no other purpose than to keep my blog ticking over, to reading the things that really matter - books that leave you deeply satisfied and articles that bring understanding.
From focusing on meaningful relationships with friends and family to putting my all into new projects instead of half-hearted attempts of 'could do better'.
This coming year I'm planning on making my decisions based on things that bring a sense of real fulfilment. I have a feeling this one might be a little tougher than last year- but I'm hoping to train my brain away from the short sharp hit and on to deeper depths.
And so my resolution is to make 2016 the year that I stop taking little sips of the sparkly champagne, and start drinking deep from that hearty glass of red instead.
