42 and Thankful

42 today.

This day two years ago, as I hit the big 4-0, I sat at the bottom of a waterfall in the sunshine watching the world and contemplating life. My husband had packed a picnic and games for the kids, and we lay contentedly on the rug, reading the papers and sipping on prosecco as the children played ball and paddled in the clean, crisp stream. To anyone watching we were the perfect happy family enjoying a perfect happy day out.

Five months later I stood at a big kitchen table in a foreign country wrapping the children's Christmas presents and quietly weeping as my life unravelled around me.

When I think of all that has happened in those two years I am thankful.

Thankful that I married a good man that showed his worth as we unmarried ourselves.

Thankful that we have remained good friends who talk daily, always put the kids first, and even holiday together.

Thankful that he now laughs at my messy house and disorganised life, instead of getting irritated by it. And thankful that I no longer care.

Thankful for our families who stood by us both without taking sides.

Thankful for our incredible kids who never cease to amaze me in how they adapt to and understand such huge changes in their lives.

Now, as I turn two years older than I was when I sat below that waterfall, I feel ten years younger.

I no longer have a billion thoughts and emotions flickering behind my eyes as my mind ticks over in constant confusion. I no longer am half present in all that I do.

When I laugh I do it with my whole being, when I dance I fully let go, when I get angry I only have myself to blame, when I talk to people I properly engage with them. I am here, in the moment. In Life.

42 today. And thankful.