Anyway - one such case has been sent to me from Jayne at Mums the Word, who for family reasons couldn't put her post on her own blog (ie her Mum reads it). So here it is - if you have comments leave them here and not on Jayne's blog. You can also message her on Twitter on @jaynecrammond.
In honour of the Royal Wedding, this weeks’ Listography theme is Top 5 Things I'd Change About My Wedding Day. I have plenty to fill that list, so much so in fact, that I’ve chosen not to post it on my own blog but here on Kate’s, to prevent the dredging up of old resentments with my family, who I still don’t think have truly forgiven me for eloping. So here goes.
My Families Reaction
When I told my family I was getting married, their reaction was not what I had hoped for. Yes, we’d only been together six weeks when we got engaged, and yes, we knew it was fast. But I’m not an idiot, I’m not impetuous and Husband is NOT a control freak, or trying to trap me into a life of servitude or degradation...regardless of what my Mum thought at the time. They spent weeks trying to convince me that Hubs had some evil plan and that I should reconsider. They voiced their opinions; I ignored them, which pissed them off even more.
My Sisters’ Demands
When we started to make tentative plans for the wedding, I asked my then-13 year old sister to be my bridesmaid. She said yes and all was well, until we started talking about dresses. I had chosen a simple pink lace prom-style dress for myself, and wanted something equally simple for my sister. But, no. She kicked up a fuss and said that no dresses that I could choose would suit her. She suggested that she wore a white tuxedo, top hat and a pair of Converse Allstars. I said no, she sulked, she told me that she’d only be my bridesmaid is she could choose her own outfit. I said absolutely not, as I didn’t want a fucking carnival walking down the aisle behind me, so she said she wouldn’t be my bridesmaid then. She broke my heart that day.
My Families Demands
When I told my family that the only people who were to be invited would be parents, grandparents, siblings and a handful of friends, we started getting demands of “so, what about So and So..” to which we’d have to constantly reiterate, no, we’re having a SMALL and intimate wedding. (If I’m honest the thought of walking down a long aisle with hundreds of people looking at me turns my stomach.)The final straw was when my family started to force the issue over one particular family member, who for serious reasons that I won’t go into here, I categorically did not want at my wedding, and I also didn’t want to go into why I didn’t want them their either. But the issue got forced, I was made to tell people things that I never wanted to tell anyone, and certain relationships were tainted forever.
Shopping
This may seem like a weird one, but most women who are getting married look forward to the shopping trips for dresses and shoes and all of the other fun things. I bought my wedding dress after Husband spotted it in the window of Dorothy Perkins and insisted that I try it on. As it turned out, the dress couldn’t have been more perfect, but I still didn’t do all of the shopping with my Mum and Sister that most brides-to-be get to do, which is mainly due to their earlier attitudes. And to this day, I still get it thrown in my face that I didn’t ask my Mum to go shopping with me. Would you have asked someone who was so opposed to your wedding to help you buy a dress?!
The Reaction When We Told Them We Were Eloping
After months of stress and pressure, we were offered some cash to go abroad, and we grabbed it with both hands. When Hubs’ family found out, naturally they were sad that they wouldn’t be there, but they understood that it was what we wanted and gave us their blessing. My family took it as a personal insult and I still don’t think I’ve been forgiven for what they see as the ultimate exclusion.
I feel I should add, as a side note, that my actual wedding day was as close to perfect as it could possibly be. I married the love of my life on a tropical beach with white sand beneath our feet and an azure sea providing the gentle lapping soundtrack to the day. We dined on lobster and champagne under the stars and started our married life in total bliss. I wouldn’t change ANYTHING about the actual wedding, and am glad we have the memories to share with our children and grandchildren. I just wish that the preparations had been slightly different. Okay, very different.
